Content Note: Postpartum Depression
“This is too hard; I can’t do it anymore.”
“They deserve a better mom than me.”
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I feel broken.”
“I’m not okay, I need help.”
These are just some of the things that I said over and over these past five months. All things that I knew were signs of postpartum depression, feelings, and thoughts I remember creeping into my mind after having Taavi. Back then, feelings and thoughts I buried because I told myself I didn’t have time to feel this way. I didn’t ask for help four and a half years ago and looking back, I wish I had.
1 in 7 birthing people may experience postpartum depression in the year after giving birth. It is important to understand this is the statistic for individuals that are diagnosed with PPD. That means the individuals that come forward asking for help, not the ones that suffer in silence. Take that in. And this does not even begin to portray the racial and social disparities the impacts of post-partum depression take on marginalized folks.
Two weeks after Ezra was born, I cried to Gage, “I’m not okay!” and he held me and said, “I know and I’m here. You are not alone. I love you.” Together we came up with a plan, I reached out to my mom and friends, and I have been in therapy ever since. I am one of the lucky ones… how many people do not have access to healthcare, and can’t just call up their midwife or provider? Or how many people do not feel SAFE calling their provider? How many people do not have a support system they can lean on? Like I said, I am one of the “lucky” ones.
I am telling you this because we do not talk about what happens to us after we have our babies. We do not talk about what can emotionally and mentally happen to us in the aftermath of creating life, and how we are left in the trenches to figure it out on our own. I am telling you this because if this has been or is your life right now, I SEE YOU. You are not broken. You have not failed. You are not alone. And it’s okay to not be ok and to ask for help. If this is you, know you have a safe space with me.
If this is you and you don’t know where to even start in asking for help—I know, I’ve been there too and I’m here if you want to talk. If you’re not ready to have this conversation just yet, I’ll be here whenever you’re ready. If you don’t know if this is you, that is okay too—I’m still here. Repeat after me: “I am braver than I realize, and there is no better parent for my baby(ies) than me.” PERIODT.
